Did I Pray Today?

by Ron Chelsvig

July 18,2020

(Written after my morning prayers)

Did I pray today?

I’m thinking.

Have I ever prayed?

I know I have sat still many times and closed my eyes

I have knelt and pressed my forehead to the ground.

I have folded my hands, reached my hands to the sky, cradled my hands to my heart.

I have laid outstretched, crying and begging for forgiveness.

But have I ever prayed?

I have bathed my face and hands, donned head coverings and clean robes.

I have said words, quoted scripture and tried to focus on the beauty of God, the Master.

But have I ever prayed?

When I’m done, I’m always me again. My thoughts. My problems. My yearnings.

It seems there are many roadblocks inside me.

I can get so distracted.

I don’t know who put them there.

“Oh, Patient One.

Oh, Compassionate One.

Oh, Ruler of my Heart.”

“Oh, wait. Did I pay the electric bill?”

Focus.

“Only God exists.

Only God exists.

I do not.”

“Oh, I think I’m running low on paper towels. I need to buy more.”

Focus.

I have felt the immense beauty of love and gratitude. My heart melts when I hear small sparrows and Wood Thrushes sing outside.

When a baby smiles to me, something deep inside me smiles back, lovingly.

I have felt joy so deeply that I’ve cried.

I have felt deep, deep gratitude for that first sip of cool water after a day of fasting.

I have felt empathy and compassion for the poor and sick to the point where I nearly forget about myself.

I have sat with at least one wise one who encouraged me to try. And try again. And to keep trying.

I want to pray. Some times I’m less distracted than other times.

I have a feeling that prayer is beyond feeling. It has no room for my cleaver thoughts.

I read a prayer by an old man years ago. He wrote, “Lord, empty me of me so that I may be filled of Thee.”

That sounds wise to me.

May I get out of the way and let it be.

That is my prayer for now.

Amen

"Healing is the process of loving those parts which are hurting..."

Did I Pray Today?